Revelations
I've just realized something quite revolutionary. All forms of complaining are actually inverted forms of self-compliments. By saying how bad something else is, you're actually trying to say how good you are. If I complain that you're stupid, I'm saying that I am better. If I complain to you that my computer sucks and crashes all the time, I'm saying I deserve better, or at least, better than you, and furthermore, that you should give me your computer. If I complain that I've been diagnosed with leprosy, brain cancer and end-stage AIDS, and proceed to go into all the gory details of how my skin will start flaking off and sores will erupt all over my body and my brain will liquidify and trickle down my spine, I'm actually trying to reduce you into a state of abject horror in which you'll wish you had all those diseases and three hundred more, and then I'll be better than you. See?
Enlightenment is a wonderful thing.