And why not?

Sexual discrimination!

I object to the act of marriage being sanctioned by the utterance "I now pronounce you man and wife", for the following reasons:

  1. "Man" is a term in the singular definitive sense, while "wife" is a possessive term. I object to the insinuation that a wife is property of the man. Henceforth, we must all be married by the New and Improved "I now pronounce you husband and wife", or "I now pronounce you man and woman". Or at the very least, "I now pronounce you husband and woman". At least be unfair in my favour.
  2. The sentence is addressed to the man ("I now pronounce YOU"), signifying that the woman has nothing to do with the whole affair. Henceforth, we must all be married by the Super New and Super Improved "I now pronounce you BOTH husband and wife".
  3. I object to the husband coming first. Since the men have been (ahem) coming first for the past however-many-years-marriage-has-existed, I propose that it is now the woman's turn. Henceforth, we must all be married by the Uber Super New and Uber Super Improved "I now pronounce you both Wife and Husband".

It's 8.30 in the morning and I've had no sleep. Currently I'm wondering about the equality of female priesthood, and why the bride should be the one to walk to the groom, and not the other way around, and why it should be that "you may kiss the bride" and not "you may kiss the groom", and why the father gives the bride away like property, and why all this is acceptable as "tradition", and why the lack of sleep makes me such an intolerable feminist, and whether anyone is eventually going to beat me into the ground for my bigoted views.

After all, feminism is just bigotry in retribution, really.