Sadism in Inklish
In my illustrious philosophy class, there is an adorable boy with an adorable (if slight) lisp. It must be said that his painfully intelligent and insightful contributions to class discussions have taught me many invaluable things; but most memorably, he has inspired the following realization: people with lisps cannot actually say the word "lisp". And while this is sadistic enough in itself, "lisp" in plural is an even more vicious invention. I propose that we hunt down the eminent individual who coined these cruel terms and force him to say "crisps with lisps" for all eternity.
Damn the English language.