Roses
A drunken expedition several nights ago left me in possession of a potted rose plant, which, in a fit of creativity, I have named Rose. Rose began as a largely leafy nonentity with all of two somewhat crippled blooms, bowed double at the stem. After four days with me, she is now a withering mess of shrivelled, petrified bare stems, is what I tell people when they ask me how my life is doing.
Words that always seem to go together: How are you doing, I'm fine thanks and you, good. I'd like to go to a social function with a grammaphone and those phrases on looping playback. I swear, no one will notice.
It seems like a mantle of ennui has descended on my life. Ennui - I get to say that now, because I've grown up a bit, and "boredom" is so, like, third grade. Lethargy, lassitude, pococurantism, apathy, tedium, blah. Isn't it simply astonishing how many words you can coin, all for this feeling that I'd feel more productive lying on my bed face-down in my radiator-warmed pillow than anything else?
Purpose, direction, aim. To lose those, you must have had them first.
People say "same old same old". It's a phrase with infinite potential. I feel like saying, "same old same old same old same old same old same old same old same old same old same old same old same old same old same old same old same ol..." and then stopping when someone hits me.
But, Rose. I tell people she's dying a slow and painful rAchel-related death. People may harbour ghastly images of me sitting in a neurotic crouch in the corner of a white padded room, ripping the buds into shreds and flaying the walls with the broken stems, with a blissful smile on my face. Actually, Rose is doing just fine. A few of the roses are a little withered and dessicated, sure. But fifteen blooms, with five quivering buds scrunched up so tight, like little baby fists, that I don't doubt they'll explode into exuberant, gleeful blooms overnight, sometime soon.
There's an analogy for my life here, somewhere, but I hate to be trite, and, yes, am feeling apathetic and uninclined to expound :)
Same old same old. But today there's an attempt at the world's largest pillow fight behind Rootes, and so help me, I'm going to bludgeon my ennui into the ground other people.