Cynic
I think that people ask me how I am just so I'll reciprocate the sentiment, thereby giving them the opportunity to vent themselves upon me.
Thusly:
Friend: Hey, how are you?
Me: Not too bad. Not in need of anything.
Friend: Oh that's good.
[expectant silence]
Me: How are you?
Friend: My kitchen sink just burst open and flooded my neighbourhood, and we're too poor to afford a boat like everyone else so we're having to float around on a cardboard box! How unfair is that? I guess it all started when my dad lost his job a few years back and became an alcoholic...