Quick update
One does not spend nearly a year in England and expect to be surprised by weather conditions anywhere else, but yesterday I touched down to 33 degrees celcius of sweltering humidity, and this morning, awoke to that SAME GODFORSAKEN ENGLISH DRIZZLE, which I can only assume must have somehow been smuggled in with my luggage.
This is that same place where the local intonations describe singsong sine curves and grate straight through the nose, and everyone's talkin' about "how totally awesome Bahston is", and where my accent, dubbed unequivocally a "disgustingly American" accent by my dear British friends, is suddenly a "your accent is, like, so totally British" accent from across the transatlantic pond.
I am left stranded and floundering in international waters, somewhere in between the two.
But the air here at Harvard is thick with glory and achievement. The image provoked is one of a little small square of dynamite, packed to bursting with all these high-flyers and a mere breath away from exploding all over the world, into all walks of life. We're constantly reminded: sitting amongst you today, ladies and gentlemen, are the world leaders of tomorrow. It is they who will educate us, preserve and progress our world, fashion the spaces in which we live, protect our health, protect the law ("those wise constraints which make us free"), protect our freedoms, defend social justice and above all, bring peace to a world in turmoil.
For ULTIMATELY, fellow Harvardians, it is your CHARACTERS, and not your credentials, that will Bring You Success. And so, by the authority delegated to me, I confer upon you [degree], and pronounce you ready to serve a world that, today more than ever, needs the youth of the world to rally! And unite! In peace! For peace! For America! For God! For country! Enough with the pomp! No, really!
But it's fun. Like, ohmygosh, there are like, so many smart people here!!11!!1!!
No time for a tighter conclusion. But happy birthday, you. May your tomorrows be ever more wonderful than your yesterdays.