i get a little worked up, sometimes.
the depths of paranoia plumbed when faced with threat to a loved one are truly remarkable. over the weekend while my powerbook was being fixed, I worked myself into a feverish frenzy about giving my 'book to some random to fix, with the result that by Sunday, without word from said random, I was ready to file a police report over his disappearance.
neurosis has no better definition.
suffice to say it is fixed, and I owe some gratitude (and apology) to my nearest and dearest, whom in paroxyms of paranoia I showered with abuse and aggrieved ranting, in approximately equal proportion.
and computer troubles nearly always induce an unsettling sense of perspective - how much of my existence is lodged in these tiny bits and bytes, but simultaneously how much of my life has been better for it. how technology has exerted its strangely contradictory impulses: that increasingly as our lives compress into ever smaller spaces, our horizons are ever expanding outwards. we are as new galaxies, turgid with possibility. we traverse more and more worlds from smaller and smaller microchips. and this is fragility as never before.
almost as fragile, for isntance, as the paranoid mind of a girl overly attached to her powerbook. I wonder what I'd be like with my children.