before the sunset of
this is transcribed from Before Sunset, a film which anyone who is like me should watch.
Celine: I was thinking...For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.
Jesse: Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's...never around?
Celine: Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day-to-day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm, like, suffocating!
Jesse: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...
Celine: Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster. I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone...it's better than...sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely.
Pause.
It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times, you...you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. No - that's not even true, I haven't even been screwed over, I've just had too many...BLAH relationships. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but...there was no real connection, or excitement. At least, not from my side.
Pause.
You know what? Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...Every single of my ex-es, they're now married. Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is, and...that I taught them to care and respect women.
Jesse: I think I'm one of those guys.
Celine: You know, I want to kill them! Why didn't they ask me to marry them? I would have said "No", but at least they could have asked! But it's my fault, I know that it's my fault, because...I never felt it was the right man. Never! But what does it mean, "the right man"? The "love of your life"? The concept is absurd, the idea that we can only be complete with another person is EVIL! Right??
Jesse: Can I talk?
Celine: You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the start, I make no effort. Because I know exactly what's going to happen...
Pause.
I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationships, I always act as, like...you know, I'm detached, but I'm...I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb, I don't feel pain, or excitement...I'm not even bitter, I'm just...
I think about, you know, Find: "Celine"; Replace With: "Rachel". Something in me occasionally hopes things could be otherwise.