the ripening
in a few days I'm going to be 21. sleep is an odd privilege these days, a break from storms of thoughts i can't tame. studying history is odd, too. the constant scrutiny of what has been gives one an uncanny sense of proximity. does anyone ever find it odd that we remember the crucifixion of Jesus some 2000 years ago, and not what we will have for breakfast tomorrow morning, even though breakfast is far closer to us than the history of Jesus? that we can refer to something we said last week, but nothing in a few hours? we are the soldiers in time's garrison, and every one of us is marching backwards, towards an abyss we can never anticipate.
because there's the waiting, waiting for the present to catch up with the future (and in the mean time we sip coffee and play stocks and have babies). and then the finis, and past, present and future dissolve.
i also hear some good advice to give senior citizens is: don't buy green bananas.